Grim Crew Presents: Dead Future

When dealing with zombies sometimes it’s difficult to find weapons you can use in a tight pinch If you have read my other Melee Weapon reviews you know I try to sometimes search hard for things to use in a pinch. Thinking of these things now and how to use them properly may save your life one day because you won’t have to ever search for a weapon because you will already know how to use everything as a weapon.   

Today I wanted to talk about something we all have in our kitchens and would seem like the worst thing to grab in a zombie situation. I’m talking about knives. Specifically the ones you would find in a kitchen. I’m looking at an assortment of knives I have in my kitchen right now and I tell you, I would not want to use them against a zombie.

Short range combat with a zombie would make almost anyone nervous. One wrong move and you can get scratched or bit. But with kitchen knives, you’re just asking for trouble. Most kitchen knives are meant for sawing our food rather than nice clean cuts. They have serrated blades that in combat situations are only practical for stabbing. The problem with that is that is because it’s serrated it will become hard to pull out of the flesh you sink it into.

If you were to use any serrated blade to fight a zombie with, you had better aim for the eye. If you can gouge deep enough, you could possibly make contact with the brain. And because it’s one of the only places on the head that is not protected by bone, you would have greater luck getting through to the brain. You do have the option at throwing the knife, but you had better learn how to do that before the situation arises that you would have to.

If you read the text in the image, be sure to know the diffrence between “blunt and “dull.” A blunt knife will be one without a point at which would pierce the skin. A dull blade would be one that is not sharp and would be hard to cut with. Never throw dull knives as they have a higher chance of not sticking to the target and ricocheting, which could cause self injury. {1}

I’ve tried throwing knives before. It’s not easy. A good knife thrower can use almost any knife but the best ones to use have been specifically made for the task. They are perfectly balanced and do not come cheap. Unlike a bullet where it’s point and fire, a knife you would throw end over end. Therefore lots of practice must go into throwing knives at different distances in order to effectively use this skill in combat. You don’t want to be chucking away your last line of defensive weapons if they are just going to hit the zombie with the handle. And various kitchen knives like steak knives for instance would be much more difficult to throw due to their lack of balance.

Maybe I should explain what I mean about a balanced knife. If a knife is balanced, you would be able to balance it on your finger at the point where the blade meets the handle, or hilt, which should be half way down the total length of the knife. Most knives you commonly find in kitchens are not balanced because it’s cheaper not to balance them, and for everyday use, we don’t need a balanced knife. A top chef may have a set of balanced knives because the balance would help them with the speedy cuts they need to prepare large quantities of food in a short matter of time. But when you’re at home butchering your $2.50 steak from Walmart, balance is not so much a priority.

Yes a balanced knife, but don’t throw this one, the shape of the blade isn’t right. {2}

The reason why balance matters when throwing a knife is because the point that the knife is balance will be the fulcrum point or the point at where the knife will rotate around as it spins in the air. If you have a nice balanced knife, it will spin at the half way point of the knife, which should be where the blade and the handle meet. This will give it an even spin, making it easier for you to judge how much spin you must put on the thrown projectile. However if it’s not balanced, the spin of the knife will be awkward, making it harder to control.

As I said, exceptional knife throwers will be able to use almost any knife to hit their target, but really only carnies practice throwing unbalanced knifes. Anyone who would use it for combat or sport would not use a knife that wasn’t balanced because it’s dangerous, and would lead to bad form. I will never condone practicing knife throwing with knives that were not made for that purpose, but in the same breath I always go by the Scout’s motto, “Be Prepared.”

Oh Meat Cleaver, a rare but beautiful find in the kitchen. {3}

But because not everyone will be expert carnie knife throwers, the best thing to look for in the kitchen would be some type of cleaver. A large meat cleaver would be the best, you know the kind that butchers use to chop large sections of meat, but realistically in the common kitchen you are looking at best a small 12” cleaver. These are designed to cut through large sections of meat and bone in one chop. Therefore, theoretically, they would be easier to use to chop through to a zombie brain. Not to mention it can be used to cut off a hand or arm in an emergency.

Butcher knives can be deadly if used correctly. {4}

The next best weapon in the kitchen would be a butcher’s knife. The advantage to a butcher’s knife is that in addition to the chopping functionality of a cleaver, if you pick the right design of butcher’s knife, you can also use a stabbing action to go for the eye sockets. But disadvantage is, they are usually less heavy than a cleaver, and would require more force to chop into a skull.

No matter which weapon you choose to use, do not try to take off the head. None of the blades you find in a common kitchen will be long enough to take it off in one clean swipe. Besides the fact that you would probably have to knock them down and hold them still in order to get a good clean cut. If you’re going to go through that trouble might as well curb stomp them with your shit kickers and be done with it.

If you have any ideas for future melee weapon blogs or you just want to share your opinion on today’s blog, you can email or post in the comments below. You can also follow Dead Future on Facebook and Google +. You can also follow me on Twitter and Google +.

 Till Fate brings our Future,

Penguin Prince

Image Sources

{1} http://blog.modernmechanix.com/throwing-knives-at-target-is-novel-sport/

{2} http://suite101.com/article/review-marco-pierre-whites-kitchen-wars-channel-5-a408727

{3}, {4} http://www.williams-sonoma.com/shop/cutlery/cleavers-boning-knives/